"I want to say a joke about Ebola, but you probably wouldn't get it."

While working the lab during his masters program Jim was poked through his glove with a needle.  The contents of the syringe did not carry any horrible disease or blood or anything(or so they assured him) that could hurt him.  But he because obsessed.  Focused on illnesses so rare, so localized he could not possible have them.  He made them run tests, tracked symptoms and eventually dropped out of the biology program.  If he was going to die from some undetectable disease he was going to do on his terms.

He grew a beard and let his hair get long.  Went weeks without leaving his small apartment.  His friends, once concerned became distant.  No one wanted to hear about rare and fatal diseases all the time and Jim figured it was better that way...since he was a goner anyway.

"Breathe, Journal, and Treat Yo Self!"

I had Eggs Benedict and you laughed at me because I ate the raw sugar meant for the coffee out of the bowl.  You sipped your Bloody Mary and read through the Boston Globe.  It was a Sunday morning in May and things were about to change.  But as the sunlight fought to enter the darkened dinning room we couldn't see it coming.  Could only see what was right in front of us.  The rich coffee, the flickering candle, the white tablecloth, the breakfast spread before us like a banquet for kings.  We ate in silence.  The rustling paper, the quiet din of waitstaff clearing tables and preparing for the lunch rush.  The morning was ours.  A final calm before the storm.

"Want. So. Hard."

We pulled up to the house.  For sale sign in the yard.  It was an old farm house that sat right up against the road.  But the road was amazing.  Trees that looked like they belonged in the deep south.  Farms all around.  Space and sky.  We were 30 minutes outside of the city, an hour+ commute during rush hour.  But it was quiet.  The realtor showed us through the home.  Built in the 1800's, dirt floor basement, no heat on the second floor, 5 bedrooms.  The barn, ready for animals, the shed, perfect for a workshop.  And the yard behind the house, fields as far as the eye could see with thick trees growing on either side to block out the neighbors.  I wanted to see us there...fixing up the old kitchen, getting barn cats, grilling in the back yard while the children played.  Finishing the basement floor.  Painting the chipping exterior.

But all I saw was work.  We worked 10 hour days so when would we make those changes.  You were not handy and did not need a workshop and we preferred to keep our cats inside with us.  And there were no children.  So all we would have would be bedrooms full of empty future hopes, that even as we stood looking up at the beautiful home we knew would never come to be.